Leo’s Thoughts

I awoke this morning renewed and relieved and yet some what worried.

How long before my life catches up with me?
I’ve haven’t felt this deep sense of completeness in a long time.  I rubbed my eyes and turn over in bed.  The warmth is comforting.

How soon before i’m cold again?

Must it be this way?

Alone

Watching the minute hand

falling from where i stand.

Withholding the grief

if ever so brief

from those all around me.

 

Cold

Shivering from all the rain

caused by incessant pain.

This feeling so rare

bringing despair

confusing the life out of me.

 

Afraid

Of the engulfing emptiness

and the deep sense of loneliness.

Wishing my mistake

to dissipate heartache,

Oh what will become of me?

Who can truly say they understand life?  Is it the person who has lived a full one?  Perhaps one who has seen the world, and met everyone in it.  What about a new mother?  Holding her baby for the first time.  The newly married couple embarking on their honeymoon.  The child who has just made their first best friend.  A widowed man.  A lonely girl.  An injured soldier.  A depressed grandmother who doesn’t see her family.  Perhaps it’s the man looking for a reason to talk to that woman.  Or that woman no longer in love with her husband.  The two teenagers sick to their stomach on their first date.  Anyone?

See to me life is all about the moments.  And how those moments make us feel.  They could be good moments, great moments.  Moments where our hearts skip a beat.  When you meet that special someone for the first time, and you know in the pit of your stomach, deep down inside, they are the one.  Or when you hold your child for the first time.  They squeeze your hand and cry, and yet your heart sings.  Dancing at your daughters wedding, holding her close, not wanting to let go.  Laughing at a lame joke.  Crazy passionate lovemaking.  Cool breezes, warm sunny rays.  Sleeping in rainy days.

Of course, in life there are those bad moments.  When we are in so much pain we wonder if we will ever recover.  If our life will ever be the same.  To love and not be loved in return.  To give ourselves completely and be taken for granted.  Feeling anger.  Losing patience.  Sleepless night in the dark.  The death of a parent.  The death of a child.  The inexplicable wrong we cause to each other.

And yet all of this teaches us to live.  Cause although we may never understand life to the fullest, moments teach us to live.  To appreciate.  To love.  To conquer, to lose.  To see our lives for what they really are.  And to show us how to pass it along…

 

I am shy

not because I’m insecure

but  because I’m powerful.

I cringe with despair

not because I fear death

but because I live for it.

I feel confused

not because I don’t understand

but only because I know better.

I love

not because i have to

but because i want to.

I live

not because I need to

but because it matters.

I look into the dreary clouds;

waiting.

Searching

For the sign i was once promised,

for the ultimate gift.

I feel the splash of rain;

hoping.

Wondering,

if it will ever come.

I smell the ocean wind;

dreaming.

Frantically,

losing all sense of comfort.

I’m warmed by the glowing sun;

suddenly.

Calming,

my ever-growing knot of despair.